Our thought processes are formed by what we read and experience. We imbibe a lot from people around us and from the way we are brought up. Instances during our growing years unknowingly impact us and we fix on certain things as facts and the way to do them. Favorite scenes from movies and passages from books are etched deeply in our minds and we want or not want things to happen in a certain way. We internalize these thought and think of them as truths â€“ but they are not facts- they are myths and cloud our capacity to think clearly.
Of all the things that we have fixed notions about, marriage tops the list. Each one of us wants our â€˜I do’ moments to be perfect and just so. Is it possible?
Here are a few myths about marriage:
The bells a ringing:
The most common myth about marriage is that when you meet the right person bells will ring and you will see stars and know instantly that this is the one for you. Sizzling chemistry and love at first sight might exist for some but it doesn’t happen all the time. The decision to get married to a person rests on many factors such as attraction, common interests, liking the other person, wanting to live with him/her for the rest of your life â€“ not just on blinding sexual attraction.
And they lived happily ever after:
Life is not a fairy tale and expecting it to be one is a myth. Most young couples who are madly in love fail to look beyond the wedding ceremony and honeymoon. When the rosy period is over and they have to get on with daily routine, they feel disillusioned and let down. Stubble, bad breath, work pressure and tiredness: they have to learn to deal with them and work on keeping the romance alive.
Expecting your partner to know how you feel is another common myth in marriage. Your thoughts are your own and your spouse may guess correctly a couple of times but it will not always be the case. Communicate your feelings clearly. Many marriages flounder because of this unfair expectation that if love exits, the spouse should be able to guess feelings.
Till death do us apart:
Yes, you have made a vow to be with your spouse forever, but there is the saying â€“ how can I miss you if you don’t go away? Many couples make the mistake of doing everything together and spending or expecting the other to spend all time together. It is very important for both partners to have me time to do things they want to and to think for themselves. Marriage does join two people, but one must remember that they have two different minds and they are two different people who need time apart sometimes.
We two; ours two
One common myth about marriage is that the best way to cement a marriage is to have children. This is not necessarily true. Though Kids are blessings from heaven, couples need to understand each other and build up a lasting relationship before planning a child. Many a time the stress and increased work load that a child brings stretches a marriage to breaking point. Having children at a point when the relationship is settled seems more sensible.
Sex is not everything
This is another common myth that drives a wedge in marriages. Once marriage settles into a routine, differing sexual drives become a bone of contention. It is the responsibility of both partners to keep the magic alive; otherwise one may tend to search for excitement elsewhere.
All’s well that ends well
Marriage, like any other relationship, is an empty box. We have to put in more than we take out or it will always be empty. There will be ups and downs, but if both partners work towards it, marriage can be a heaven on earth.